Listening to something you already knew

I always knew that knowing something and understanding something is totally different. But I never thought that knowing something and listening to what I know can feel totally different.


Today I read a blog post of a friend of mine… Or perhaps more elaborately speaking who used to be a friend of mine… to be more exact a person who is at the other end of the path filled with alot of broken glass. I knew who she was, the kind of person who she really is before she changed (or was it I who changed?). I don’t know at which point I knew those stuff.. or how I knew for that matter. Perhaps because I’ve being in the same shoes… same fears, same doubts… but somehow that did not really connect us. I guess it made us feel that we are related. Like fruit from the same tree (but in different branches).


Ever being in front of a crowd which exceeded the hall? over 300 pairs of eyes following your every movement. When you take the Mic the slightest scratch on your head.. the smallest stutter… gets noticed like its the main highlight of the evening… At that precise moment they’ve no idea how hard it is to look at the audience without having your head feeling dizzy… stop your hands shaking of feeling cold… trying to utter words out of a mouth that all of a sudden has gone dry…. What in the world am I doing here… 


It was about a public speech she made last year. The very first one to a variety of people of such numbers. I was sooooo proud of her on what she is about to do… Felt like “my little girl all grown up”. Felt like all the work over the years led to this… To this one single moment of my achievement through her. My achievement in being part of making her who she is… I got the rare feeling of a feeling of being swelled with pride. It felt like a dream she had said. Back then we were still friends… there were some large cracks in the glass, but still friends…

Reading the post was one of the happiest and disappointing post I’ve ever read. I don’t know why but feels that both are the same.  She had done her speech splendidly… Happy because it showed how she came out of her shell to see the world. To know that she can achieve anything and everything is possible if she wants to. I could almost imagine how she was smiling when she typed those words. There’s a weird thing about achievements. It comes with a cost. “Overconfidence” one might say… “misguided” one might judge… “lost” one would proclaim… but I’d say disappointment and leave it at that (going further will not help anyone).  bcos less than a week later she shattered our friendship of had remained in to dust.


Friendships don’t last forever… Something which I already knew… but turns out it doesn’t matter that you did…


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